SNOW - Life | Lifts | Luxury

Given vertical, snow, and tons of things on which to slide down them, it’s not hard to construct an ersatz sliding event on any old ski hill. Whistler goes one better by having its popular Tube Park conveniently — and, frankly, embarrassingly — located next to the bobsled/luge tracks of the Whistler Sliding Centre, one of the venues for the upcoming Olympics.

This is the true Whistler Marathon. Skiers or boarders head up Blackcomb Mountain via the Excalibur Gondola and Excelerator and Jersey Cream chairs, across the Peak 2 Peak Gondola, up to the top of Whistler on the Peak Chair, down Whistler all the way to the village, back up Whistler on the Village Gondola, back over the Peak 2 Peak, up to Blackcomb summit on either the Glacier or Seventh Heaven chairs plus the Showcase T-bar, then down Blackcomb to the village. Whoever completes the most laps of this 11,000-vertical-foot circuit in a day wins.

Given the temperature difference between the verdant valley floor and the alpine glaciers located one vertical mile above, this event can take place anytime between April and August. The criteria are simple: Participants must ski five top-to-bottom runs, mountain bike 10 kilometers, and complete 18 holes of golf in the same day — in the fastest time possible, of course. Team competition is encouraged.

Whistler’s Pacific Rim sensibilities and sea-to-sky location have created a cultural landscape that often defies logic. For instance: How can a town of a mere 10,000 support no fewer than eight sushi restaurants? Until the impending sockeye salmon extinction, you can still participate in the Whistler challenge of eating in all eight establishments in one week.

Highest number of back-to-back hot mud sessions? Largest pile of hot stones strategically placed on your aching back? Lengthiest massage without falling asleep? Greatest variety of consecutive treatments? All are in the realm of possibility in Whistler, where there are a dozen spas — plus more under construction — leading one to wonder which will ultimately be the bigger driver of local commerce: activity or inactivity. This is the only official event routinely performed nude, though nudity is not strictly against the rules in any of the others.

This free-form freestyle event revolves around demanding as much as possible from one’s accommodations for as long as possible. Individuals do not compete for the title simultaneously, but over longer periods of time — even entire seasons — thus enshrining many of these accomplishments as legends. Take, for example, the American family who, over the course of a weeklong stay at the Four Seasons, ordered room service an average of eight times per day.

A tough, fast-paced event in which participants are required, starting at 3 p.m., to stop in and consume at least one drink at each of Whistler’s acknowledged après haunts: Dusty’s in Whistler Creekside, Merlin’s at Blackcomb Base, and four venues in the village’s main plaza: the GLC, Longhorn, Black’s Pub, and Dubh Linn Gate Irish Pub. In order to validate your passage you must collect a coaster from each establishment, with an in/out time notation verified by the bar manager or a waitress named Tiffany, of which there are many.

As opposed to the Speed Après, Long-track is an endurance event. The acknowledged record belongs to a couple who arrived at an eponymous but anonymous eatery for lunch at 11:45 a.m. and departed at midnight, having consumed nine martinis, six bottles of wine, four cognacs, and a good portion of the menu. They were still in their ski boots when they were poured into a taxi.

Attending the annual 10-day April party known as the World Ski & Snowboard Festival is a marathon unto itself. Try as you might, you’ll never cover all the daily on-hill ski and snowboard events, never mind the skate events and weekend Big Air shows in the village. Or all the arts and entertainment multimedia, such as the Pro Photographer Showdown, Pro Filmmaker Showdown, and Chairlift Revue. Likewise it is logistically impossible to see all 50 live bands, or attend all the premieres and industry parties — as many as a dozen each evening.